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© 2004-2008 Linda Escaip
"I may be grumpy but I like you."
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09-Feb-2008 - Whatever It Takes "I celebrated my 40th birthday. Arriving there wasn't nearly as terrifying as I'd imagined. In fact, it wasn't scary at all. What I encountered on that day was myself, feeling as youthful as I had felt the day I turned twenty. I didn't transmute into a hideous, fanged monster." 03-Dec-2007 - As I Row "Honest expression is of tremendous importance to our well-being. Never keep a secret that eats away at you. Find a way to speak your mind and heart, through words, music, painting, screaming, etc. Don't keep it to yourself." 26-Sep-2007 - Better By Now "Nothing beats hope. Except maybe love, but they seem to often be connected. Love and hope for president." 07-Sep-2007 - Every Punch And Kiss "I want what's genuine and what doesn't break and fall off if I wake up on the wrong side of the raft." 07-Aug-2007 - Even If "What if happiness were a choice?" 24-May-2007 - A Note From Melina, The Incessant Plagiarist "These are not your experiences. Those sentences you steal are made of my unique voice, not yours." 24-Mar-2007 - Inside Out "So many choices in this life. It's a shame to keep making the same ones that make you feel like hell." 19-Dec-2006 - Free The Knickers! "We drag the past with us wherever we go. This is no obligation, we just do it. Things remembered become the souvenirs we share with anyone who'll lend an ear, an eyeball maybe, and a bit of time." 27-Nov-2006 - Return Of The Mutha "Lesbian Clown Ladies Who Lunch And Kill And Carry Unforgettable Handbags." 03-Jun-2006 - Love This Life "Sometimes I think I know where I am while other times I feel about as lost as Grandma Dickens-Hoof probably felt that day at the Pic 'N' Save in Culver City." 06-May-2006 - Between Two Worlds "I am certain the rudeness of death would be substantially minimized if we were to receive at least a postcard from our dearly departed, letting us know they are safe and happy where they are." 19-Apr-2006 - Words We Never Use "Do you know what an amalgam of two o'clock in the morning and heartache can do to you? It can make you eat the second half of a 1.75 quart of ice cream while seated on the couch, staring into the semi-darkness, leaving one non-generous spoonful at the bottom to return to the freezer, so as to solidify the fact that you are not a pig." 06-Apr-2006 - Rearranging The Sky "The other morning, I awoke to the dreaded thought that my life was over. A few minutes later while walking into another room, the light streaming in through the window made me want to kiss the sun." 23-Mar-2006 - All We Have Is Everything "All we have are chips, he snapped, erasing the possibilities. 16-Mar-2006 - This Is How I Feel "This and all other injurious things, lasting like scars." 09-Mar-2006 - Read This First "I don't get into the habit of discussing politics with people, because I decided early on that dying of boredom didn't quite sound like unshackled enjoyment to me." 04-Mar-2006 - Let It Rain "I want to drive to the desert, get out of the car, and scream. I want to leave my old beliefs there and drive back home without them. Let some vultures eat them and poop them out in great, big, messy, biodegradable turds." 24-Feb-2006 - Silence "You cannot get into another person's head or heart and change what they believe about you. They have to do that on their own." 16-Feb-2006 - What The World Needs Now "Also, please feel free to condemn me to hell. I have already been there so I know what to expect." 28-Jan-2006 - Scattered Pictures "Plus she had gas and a tendency to sing too loudly to songs on the radio that my Barbie really liked and preferred to hear untainted by the off-key voice of another Barbie." 09-Jan-2006 - I Am A Gifted Laundry Folder, And I Am "I cried in my salad last night. Good news, eh?" 06-Jan-2006 - My Name Is Fruit Punch And I Don't Get Out "So, let me tell you briefly about Julian, my gay pervert cat." 24-Dec-2005 - Beautiful Things "Remember who you are." 16-Dec-2005 - I'm Nice To Bugs And Drunk Clowns "Your Bozo is not defective." 08-Dec-2005 - Writing To You From Eastern Squid Time "Who swims through a pile of cheese, ever?" 24-Nov-2005 - Left Unseen "The Cat Who Used Masturbation as a Relaxation Technique and Subsequently Went Blind Because of It, But Who Was Super-Calm About the Whole Thing" 12-Nov-2005 - Happy Anniversary, Journal Dear "I once told a guy from the Los Angeles Times that I was dead when he asked to speak to me to find out if I wanted to subscribe for the ten-thousandth time. They finally stopped calling." 02-Nov-2005 - So, I Went To Canada "That isn't a plane, that is a large tampon with wings." 12-Oct-2005 - They Call Me Cayenne Pepper Pants "Wow, that's the mother of all screws." 24-Sep-2005 - I'm Just Living On Nerves And Feelings "I fear getting to the end of my life and finding myself sorrowful for not having lived the way I wanted to live, not having the confidence to realize my dreams." 10-Sep-2005 - Through These Windows "I added the sexy cowboy hat because I felt it was the right thing to do. Please count on me for things of this nature." 25-Aug-2005 - Almost "Otherwise you'll be fighting a battle you will never win because there is no end, and you'll be shadowboxing anyway because life isn't fighting you—it's just moving along the way it goes." 12-Aug-2005 - Big Woman, You Crush Me With Your Boob "You would think that after countless years of catching spiders in jars and transporting them back outside they'd be a bit grateful and keep their fangs to themselves." 31-Jul-2005 - Some Girls "Goodbye, Oliver's virginity." 25-Jul-2005 - The Salami Is For Display Purposes Only "Never one to keep dried yak ears strewn about the yard, I went into the house to get a latex glove (the kind I use to examine my friends and various other dinner guests)." 16-Jul-2005 - I Love My Pants "I guess now's as good a time as any to tell you that I pretty much only wear men's pants." 06-Jul-2005 - I Am Your Sexy Aunt "Nothing can be changed back there; trying to change the past is like trying to reach into a photograph to move the hair out of someone's eyes, or tickle them until they smile." 25-Jun-2005 - Come Fly With Me "(I really shouldn't gloat over the size of my penis like that. Nobody likes a gloater [unless she has a 62 inch penis]. I'll stop now.)" 17-Jun-2005 - It Won't Be Long "Sometimes I just want to put my hands in my pockets and watch the world quietly, without having to comment on anything. Pockets are such useful things. Shy people need pockets." 10-Jun-2005 - Another Sun "I think it took this time spent aching to get me to the point where I wanted to claw my way to the surface. A person can only take so much pushing and poking and jabbing and kicking and biting and tearing. You either cave in or climb your way out." 01-Jun-2005 - Just The Going "I just cleaned the fruit bowl. A few minutes ago I transported two spiders outside. Before that I picked up cat vomit and something I don't wish to discuss. Next I hope to end world hunger." 24-May-2005 - Preventing Satanic Influence, And Other "Sometimes dinner would just have to wait, especially if I happened to be trying to coax a fairy out from behind the built-in hamper." 13-May-2005 - This Much Is True "Like the day I tooted and everyone in our ninth grade English class heard." 06-May-2005 - Here And There "And you're not sure that I'll even remember you. I think that was my favourite part; I believe it was the line that made me want to kick you in the mouth." 28-Apr-2005 - Sexy Women Doing Yard Work "Well, I was perfectly sickened by the idea of my parents being naked with each other, let alone stuck together like snails." 16-Apr-2005 - At The Moment "I want to feel worthy when I am left out and when I'm the last resort and when you look right through me." 06-Apr-2005 - Walking This World "You skip over to the ice cream store. You might see people a-skippin' to the movies if they feel so inclined. But you would never see anyone skipping on the their way to shoot someone. That is wrong." 02-Apr-2005 - You Know You Want To Read About My "All the creatures of the world are just being what they are: rats are simply ratting it up, snakes are doing their snaky thing, and cockroaches are just being cocky. Or roachy. They don't mean to be revolting or frightening or annoying." 29-Mar-2005 - Some Saturday Morning "And although I felt gloomy and half-alive, I decided to quietly see the whole thing as a gift, and a reminder that life is ever-changing." 22-Mar-2005 - I Packed You A Lunch Anyway "Awkward, like we didn't know each other. As if we didn't know every line and desire by heart. And you would not love me." 18-Mar-2005 - Pillow Talk, Perverts, And Other Nuggets You Simply Cannot Live (Properly) Without "And some women actually know they are attractive without having to endure a guy staring down their tops or saying crap like, 'Man, I could eat a meal off that ass.'" 14-Mar-2005 - Highway To Hell "I tried it once and ran away from it like a pig from bacon." 07-Mar-2005 - Underneath The Skin "And what matters is most often what I take for granted. I don't want to feel ashamed and I don't want to feel bitter for having missed out on what was right there in front of me all along." 02-Mar-2005 - Night Of The Prunes "Humanity often seems to have taken the backseat. Sometimes it's tied to the roof of the car. And there are days you'd swear it's attached to the bumper by a thin bit of poorly-knotted twine." 23-Feb-2005 - A Little Necessary Projection "I was five years old when I discovered a glorious man in a drum-shaped bin amid various assorted toys. What someone of his caliber was doing in there mixing with a heap of lifeless playthings remains a mystery." 21-Feb-2005 - I, Podius "And when I start playing out again, I'll give away socks, mittens, and scarves at the shows. Hell yeah. Rock and roll." 17-Feb-2005 - Digging Up Roots On La Cienega Blvd. "But we often opt to just hang around our lives like we're not part of the picture, standing there all blue and missing the point." 14-Feb-2005 - Swirling "I had miles of heartache scribbled into my resume by that point, and years of being told not to rock the boat, which to me translated into 'don't stand out.'" 12-Feb-2005 - From Now On "I have a feeling a good deal of the anxiety and depression being experienced by so many has something to do with expectation. And either the expectations are multiplying or they are expanding." 10-Feb-2005 - De-Lovely Delicious Delusion "So, for the next four to six weeks I'm stuck being Queen of the Coin-Ops?" 08-Feb-2005 - Stuff In The Key Of Pink "I have the cleanest handbag in town, and I'd be willing to bet fat dollars on that." 06-Feb-2005 - Wound Up Roundup "I think I attracted every unstable, high-strung female in the city into my life when I was younger." 01-Feb-2005 - My Wild Rocker Days "Never underestimate a girl and her rocking chair addiction." 26-Jan-2005 - Empty "Earlier today, something reminded me of the time my parents left me for dead." 17-Jan-2005 - Moving Along "I wonder if the people I still think of from my past ever think of me. There should be some way you could check that sort of thing, like an answering machine that catches thoughts related to you." 15-Jan-2005 - Circles "When you're blue, I get BO." 09-Jan-2005 - It's My Birthday And That Means Cake, "Apparently I am not to be trusted around cat tails." 07-Jan-2005 - Somebody Get Me A Shovel "Loneliness is a far safer, more hopeful place to dwell than in a relationship with someone you cannot trust with your life." 05-Jan-2005 - 62 Things You May Or May Not Know "The night before a gig I had some years back, I dreamed I was Tom Hanks. The night before the show after that I dreamed I was Tom Arnold. I'm just going to pretend that's not weird." 03-Jan-2005 - So Far "I cannot go back, and that leaves me somewhat crestfallen, standing on the edge of the cliff overlooking the future, harbouring some regret for what is behind me. At least I'm wearing a super-smart outfit." 01-Jan-2005 - Counting Backward "Today my dad offered to make me a sandwich and drive it over. How cute is that? I am so fortunate. I have more than I could ever need, and yet it is human nature to want more." 28-Dec-2004 - Fun With OCD "When I was a kid, I had this imaginary horse. And apparently I wasn't particularly needy in my imaginings of my pet, because the horse was an imaginary stick horse." 25-Dec-2004 - Nearly Naked Sexy Christmas Birds "I have dreams so big some days I can't fit them all inside my head. They fall out in little bits, probably picked up like shiny pennies by somebody or other." 22-Dec-2004 - Everybody Has One "What one person thinks is brilliant you might think is crap on a rope. (I hope you don't get one of those for a gift this holiday season.)" 19-Dec-2004 - I'm Too Sexy For My Wig "This is what happens when exhaustion has taken over where your sane, well-rested self left off." 17-Dec-2004 - Love Is All There Is "I am still wondering where people get the idea they are superior somehow to the chosen targets of their intolerance." 15-Dec-2004 - What You Don't Know Can't Hurt You "You could give the third person a name, like Snapper or Ms. Woo—it's up to you." 13-Dec-2004 - Mindfully Unfocused "Stupidity can grate on a person's nerves. Unless they're stupid, in which case they are probably just thrilled to be in good company." 11-Dec-2004 - Tit For Tat "You are not your body. Say it aloud, sister. Buy the bumper sticker if you have to." 09-Dec-2004 - On The Side Of The Cool "It is clear he picked out what he wanted to see, which was me being a big mess, so he could bestow upon me all of his nuggets of wisdom under the guise of being the most stable studcock ever there was." 01-Dec-2004 - Hope In Hell "The other day I heard a woman say that she thought gay marriage was disgusting. Yeah, I guess all that love and tenderness and the desire to commit to one another for life would be pretty nauseating." 24-Nov-2004 - Glad You Could Make It "Death doesn't care how much you like someone, or how much comfort they give you in a weird world. It takes them when it's time and there they go." 20-Nov-2004 - Happy? "Just because Bongo Fluffypants won the lottery doesn't mean you're a penniless loser, does it?" 14-Nov-2004 - Birds Do It, Bees Do It "You would think by now people would be immune to the human body." 07-Nov-2004 - Never Sing For A Maniac (Unless You "I'm feeling ever so queer. Can you tell me where I might find the ladies' lavatory?" 01-Nov-2004 - Never The Girl "I used to get my sister to play 'Tawny and Sporto' with me. Please don't tell anyone I just said that." 22-Oct-2004 - Insomnia Soup "What fun is focusing when it makes your mind feel about as delightful as a wet book?" 19-Oct-2004 - Toasted Cheese "Some people don't care at all about your happiness, some care a great deal, and the rest are at a Britney Spears concert somewhere, even if there isn't one." 17-Oct-2004 - Just Joan's Kid "Growing up, my family had two mottos: 'Don't rock the boat' and 'Don't say anything.'" 16-Oct-2004 - Getting Into Something "And soon I will remember that you are flawed and human and never meant to hurt me." 14-Oct-2004 - Pumps Can Be Personal "'A Piano Without A Perspective', which gives the whole thing a bit of a different feel, like maybe the piano was clueless or something. A dipshit piano." 13-Oct-2004 - You, Me, Cake, And A Spider "I like to swear and don't mind who knows it. I hope this won't be a motherfucking problem."
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