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© 2004-2008 Linda Escaip
"I may be grumpy but I like you."
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It's true. Some people write in the loo.
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May 6, 2006
When a homeless person asks me for money, I don't hand over some cash with the stipulation that they have to buy food with it. I can imagine what it's like not to have a home, just as I can imagine the monstrous, relentless pain of needing that drink or that hit of whatever. Who am I to say what's done with the money? Who is anyone to say? If there are conditions, you might want to keep the money in your pocket.
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April 25, 2006
There are a gazillion different ways to see the world and every moment inside a day. Every second contains infinite possibility. Anything can happen, and much of this could be prompted by a conscious choice made by you, or me. Knowing that, why do we see the same world from moment to moment?
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April 19, 2006
I wish integrity wasn't scarce. I wish I had a dollar for every time I said something unfortunate about myself. I wish people would slow down. And I wish I knew for sure that I would see you again.
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April 10, 2006
I woke up the other night after falling asleep on the couch, with the most spectacular title for a book repeating itself in my head. I can't wait to write it, whatever it will be. Maybe if I take enough naps, I'll collect enough words to fill it.
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April 6, 2006
This is how I thought the whole self-worth thing worked: You collected things like compliments and smiles and lustful glances from men and filed them away to be accessed whenever you forgot some truth about yourself. These things were proof that you were good enough for something or other. I spent many years walking this world, requiring certain behaviour from people to give me a sense of my own worth. I altered little parts of myself in ways to accommodate the fear of rejection. But I was worthy all along. I imagine one day I will wear this truth like a tattoo, which took ages to get right, but which was entirely worth the wait.
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April 5, 2006
I think about my own death every day. I wonder how old I will be when I die? I hope I am ancient, out tending my garden one sunny Saturday morning, when I go. Falling lightly into the grass from a seated position on my gardening cushion. A squirrel with a walnut nearby. A small pile of leaves from my silver dollar tree beside my body, as I float away to wherever that 21 grams of consciousness goes.
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April 1, 2006
A certain online retailer was kind enough to send me the first season of The Mary Tyler Moore Show on DVD. I love this show so much I think I will just eat the discs. I have thoughts like that sometimes. I know I've mentioned this someplace on my site, but there are so many books in this house that I haven't read yet and want very much to read, and I get overwhelmed by the desire to read every one of them in my lifetime, so one day I had the thought that I would just eat them. And I meant it, until a few seconds later I remembered that whole thing about books not being foodstuffs. Books, like certain underwear, should be edible.
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March 29, 2006
Is anybody really sure that clams are happy? I mean, has anybody checked? I'd like to see the results of some extensive research on the subject. I really would.
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March 28, 2006
I miss being a kid, where you could be outside walking in circles or carefully walking the tightrope that was the curb or some long crack in the sidewalk, all the while having a full conversation with yourself. And you weren't concerned with who may or may not be looking at you as you did this. And nobody thought you were nuts, because you were a kid.
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March 22, 2006
I love when a woman I don't know smiles at me. It is always unexpected; catches me right off guard, and sometimes there isn't even the tiniest fragment of time for it to hit my brain and travel to my mouth so that I can smile back before she looks away. So I just smile silently at the back of her head, hoping she knows that I would have smiled sooner if only I'd known she was going to do that.
I am working on being the one who smiles first sometimes.
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March 18, 2006
I wake up every morning wanting to tell my entire life story. And at the same time, I want to erase it. I want everything and nothing.
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March 15, 2006
What do you do when you demand answers but no one's talking? I'm afraid I might choke to death on all the words that are locked behind teeth and lips. All the words, not just mine.
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March 13, 2006
Good thing we rush each other off the phone so we don't miss some television show that's about to start. We can always watch the rerun of our real life later.
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March 13, 2006
Last night on my walk I thought I might be a nymphomaniac because I like sex very much and think about it a few times a day. I pored over that subject a bit when I returned and discovered that I am not a nymphomaniac. Bummer. I was so hoping for a new label.
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March 11, 2006
I have had this phantom itch on my back for over a month. There is no satisfying this fucker. I have backscratchers strategically placed all over the house: retractable antennas, rulers, long combs, and even actual backscratchers. What does one do with an itch that refuses to be appeased? It's probably a nerve, like what causes my friend's flippertoe. She gets into the bathtub, and once the warm water touches her foot, her big toe feels instantly transformed into a flipper. Well, at least my nerve only makes me itch and doesn't give me the feeling of sprouting a big fin on my back. I don't know what I would strategically place around the house for a phantom fin.
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March 11, 2006
The ocean is memory Made of earth and salt and sky And so am I. The sky is just the water Reflecting off the blue And so are you.
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March 8, 2006
This used to be easy. I'd pop in here for a spell, jot down a note, and go about my day. Now it seems I find myself staring at that empty bottle of hydrogen peroxide, which I have been meaning to toss into the recycle bin. What can be said about an empty bottle of hydrogen peroxide? What can be said about a full one? See what I mean? When nothing comes to me, this is what I am left with. Check back later when I write a truly endearing story about this near-empty box of pantiliners.
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March 6, 2006
If you ever felt a Raisinet hit your head or any other part of you in a movie theatre in the early to mid-'80s, you might officially have me to thank for that. I loved tossing candy in the air during the darker scenes. This gave me some kind of kick, similar to the thrill of Ding-Dong-Ditch. I would probably make a great kleptomaniac, come to think of it, since they're in it for the thrill. But I think I'll just go back to tossing candy. Sorry in advance.
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March 4, 2006
There is far too much fear in this world, none of it serving any useful purpose. I would like to renounce fear; leave it in the dust to rot and wither away into nothing. That's all it is anyway. What do you suppose would happen if we all just lived our lives?
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March 1, 2006
I remember when not having plans for Friday or Saturday night rendered me a total loser. Well, in my own head it did, anyway. Now all it means is that I don't have to pick out something to wear and try to make my hair look good. Every birthday brings me a little closer to this kind of bliss.
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February 26, 2006
I could fall lightly in your hands, like a bird or an angel. And I could dance softly on the sea, like a word in a whisper. Let me be myself; I swear you'll like me.
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February 24, 2006
There are currently 1234 songs on my new iPod. It holds up to 15,000 songs, but to add or subtract any tunes would be giving up that spectacular number sequence. So, I will just use the remaining space for the brain I am building out of computer parts for when I lose my bloody mind.
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February 19, 2006
People who get all up in arms when the line at the post office is around the block are actually more annoying than the wait.
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February 13, 2006
Earlier I came up with a good pickup line for guys to use in virtually any setting. This is to be spoken in a helpful, humanitarian sort of tone.
"I have a penis in case you need one."
I don't know. I thought it was pretty good.
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February 9, 2006
I am just sitting here waiting for the day I get into a fight with a girl so I can refer to her as "You grisly bitch." Actually, it would be ever more enjoyable to say that to a guy. So bring it on, bitches.
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February 6, 2006
I'm wearing myself out. How fashionable.
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February 4, 2006
If death were a man, I would take him outside and kick the ever-loving shit out of him.
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February 2, 2006
Every present moment is your whole life. Every present moment is your whole life. Every present moment is your whole life. Reach for nothing back there; everything you need is right here.
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January 29, 2006
What do you do if you're totally Goth and you really, really like wearing bright, flowery sundresses? Such a dilemma.
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January 27, 2006
I recently discovered that when someone wanders back into the house from the yard and dreamily announces, "I love salad," it's cute enough to kill you.
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January 25, 2006
When you realize the only thing you can think to write is that you cleaned the cutting board today with half a lemon, it's time to join a club.
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