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© 2004-2008 Linda Escaip
"I may be grumpy, but I like you."
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The Suns and Moons of the Grumpiest Girl in the Room.
Welcome to my journal, slappy.
You, Me, Cake, And A Spider 13-Oct-2004 01:19 a.m.
I am officially freaking myself out over this first journal page. I think about it, get this excited feeling in my stomach, and then feel sort of like the way I felt when I used to have those dreams where I had shown up at school naked.
I am not here because I think I am fascinating. You think I am fascinating. Remember all the emails you sent me, begging for me to empty the contents of my head on a page giddy with colour? And then there was the skywriting, which eloquently pleaded in cloudy puffs, "We need you on the internet. Now." OK, so you don't remember. I will be more than happy to remember for you. I will be your memory. I think that's a Dolly Parton song. I hope it is.
I have decided to write in this journal as if no one will ever read it. I find it helpful to employ this tactic when writing songs as well. The truth comes out when you don't tailor words for other people's interests.
Just in case you really are there reading this: Hi! There are cupcakes on the green table near the gold monkey-head lamp. One of my favourite things in the world is cake, and I like it any way I can get it: pan, round, double round, bundt, cup—I love it all, preferably homemade. Thank God you know this now and can pass it along to your loved ones.
I like to swear and don't mind who knows it. I hope this won't be a motherfucking problem.
What do people write on their first page? Jesus. I don't know what I am doing. Oh yeah, you're not there. Since I'm alone, I can, without shame, admit that I quite enjoyed the movie The Other Sister. Oh yeah, I did. I own Beaches on DVD. In high school my hair was seven stories high: I used to go through a bottle of hairspray in one week. The first crush I ever had was on my first grade teacher, Mrs. Miller. Her smile gave me a stomachache. I adore her to this day, wherever she is.
New topic: Do tarantula's weave webs or do they build nests? I must look that up on the internet. There is a spider currently living in my backyard who has woven a beautiful, Halloween-worthy web from one of the solar lights all the way to the fence. Let me tell you, this spider is the size of a Volkswagon Bus. Its shadow is larger than my house. I think it's a tarantula. I think it's a monster. I think it's amazing, but I don't want it near me. God, if that creature landed on me I swear I would need assistance that no one on the planet could provide. I was sure it was on my head earlier when I entered the house after looking at it. Turns out is was this barrette I'd been wearing all day.
I'm off to work on a song. I am writing a bunch of new songs for my first full-length album. I am excited about everything. I am nervous about everything. I am grateful for everything.
If you can't get to where you want to be, find your way there. And when you get there, eat cake.
Linda
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