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© 2004-2008 Linda Escaip
"I may be grumpy, but I like you."
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The Suns and Moons of the Grumpiest Girl in the Room.
Welcome to my journal, peaches.
Love Is All There Is 17-Dec-2004 11:31 a.m.
It is difficult to comprehend the arrogance of some people. I think about how long humankind has inhabited this place and then I become properly freaked out at where so many of us seem to be when it comes to our levels of acceptance, compassion, tolerance, and understanding. I can't stop thinking about it. I don't know how to laugh it off, as someone recently suggested. I don't think it's funny. I reserve the right to laugh only when I am moved to do so, and not when I am trying to appear indifferent, unaffected, or simply above it all. I only hover in my dreams anyway.
I wish I could change the world. I wish I could show every person who is busy hating someone for their differences that it is a waste of their life. But how do you change what is in someone's heart? And how does hate get into a heart in the first place? I am still wondering where people get the idea they are superior somehow to the chosen targets of their intolerance.
I hate stupidity, but do not hate stupid people. I think stupidity is curable, but like any addiction, it is up to the stupid person to want to change. And once the stupid person has taken the steps to shed his ailment, he is not regarded as a recovering stupid person; he is forever changed. Once you leave stupidity behind, there is no returning to it. I'm not talking about people who lack credible spelling or math skills; I am referring to the brand of stupidity that hurts people.
We hurt each other, there is no doubt about that. We have ideas about how everyone should be living their lives, and when we see them living outside of our ideas, we scold them. Sometimes we even hate them. How dare they defy us. How dare they not follow our script. How dare they not worship our god.
In my heart, I know there is a God. But I have a feeling you won't find God in the pages of your favourite big book of rules. I am not saying this to offend anyone's personal belief, it is simply what I feel. I examine a seashell—the perfect patterns, the colours, the shape—and cannot believe there is not a great mind behind it. (Certainly there are many examples of beautiful things; I chose a seashell because I adore them.) The power of the human mind should be enough to convince us that we are not all there is. It seems arrogant to believe we are.
The problem I have with the idea of the god in the Bible is the judgment, and the rules that go against the experience of being human. To be human is a messy undertaking. We are so strong, yet we are fragile. There is not a perfect balance, it shifts from moment to moment. One minute you are sure you'll never falter again, and soon enough, you've got yourself convinced you're the world's biggest loser. It isn't easy. Wouldn't our creator take this into consideration, knowing everything and all? The rules seem set up to enable us to feel even more shitty than is necessary. One of the Ten Commandments is broken daily by just about everyone. We bear false witness all the hell over the place. What's that? Lying. I know a Christian guy who screams at his young son when the poor kid messes up in the eyes of his dad during his soccer games. Not only does he yell at him, he makes sure to do so in front of all the other kids and their parents for some added humiliation. He claims this treatment is good for his son. And I'm supposed to believe the great mind that made the ocean and Canada somehow favours this guy over anyone who hasn't had their head dipped in water in the name of Jesus Christ.
Throughout the ages people have loved and supported their children. Some people have been devastatingly hurt by the actions of their offspring, yet their love for them continues. I know a very lovely lady whose son has broken her heart countless times. Nothing he could do would stop her from loving him. She forgives him for everything. He is welcome in her home whenever he chooses to visit. How could the great mind, assuming there is one, be needier than a human being, requiring the constant compliance with rules in order to enter his kingdom? How could this great mind be less forgiving?
I started off with the intent of writing about homophobia. I have mentioned it a few times in the past and feel quite strongly about devoting a little more time to the subject. The topic inevitably makes me think of religion and the many beliefs to which people are tied so tightly. Religion has a way of making some people morbidly self-righteous.
A person does not choose to be homosexual. I cannot imagine anyone making the choice to be ridiculed and regarded as a pervert by a large portion of the population. The only choice that is made is whether to honour oneself or to go against that for fear of rejection and persecution. The latter is a lonely, bleak existence; I have seen it in action. It breeds bitterness. I don't know why one person would be attracted to the opposite sex and another be attracted to the same sex, but do we have to know why? I don't know why I love classical music, I just love it. I know people who think it sucks. We are not our bodies. I am convinced there is more, so much more. If we were all exactly the same, how would we learn tolerance? Sure, we wouldn't need to learn it if we were twinsies, but I'll bet the need for that lesson would be lurking beneath the surface.
What is it that scares some heterosexual people so much about gay people? Maybe they're afraid the whole gay population wants to shtupp them? Good grief, you're not that sizzling. I can't seem to figure it out. How exactly do gay couples tarnish the idea of family and what defines one? We all have an equal right to love. As long as your partner is a consenting adult of the same species, love with your heart wide open. Who cares what sex our bodies happen to claim? Aren't we more than that anyway?
It's time to get over this shit. Love who you love and be grateful for the love in your life. Let others love who they love. Try to be glad they have love in their lives. Do you know what loneliness feels like? Ever felt someone else's loneliness just by looking at them? Either way, it hurts. Everyone deserves love.
OK, totally off topic, some chicks make the funniest faces when they apply makeup. I just watched this lady for a few minutes who is sitting in her car outside seriously going to town. Maybe she has an audition of sorts. Who knows? All I know is she is all kinds of dolled up now. I hope she has somewhere to go, because that would be a waste.
Quote From My World
"There are too many plants in my soup."
Well, I'm off to do something fascinating. You too could sweep the floor.
Linda
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