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© 2004-2008 Linda Escaip
"I may be grumpy, but I like you."
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The Suns and Moons of the Grumpiest Girl in the Room.
Welcome to my journal, jingle bells.
Nearly Naked Sexy Christmas Birds 25-Dec-2004 11:08 a.m.
Yay! I finished my wrapping. My wrapping ability is rather sad. I begin to get anxious halfway through when I realize I would much rather not be wrapping. Gifts should really wrap themselves, don't you think? Thankfully I have talent in other areas: I can sweep and wash my hair with the best of 'em.
I like Christmas, but I love Christmas Eve. I tend to really enjoy the anticipation of certain events, often more than the event itself. I think that might have something to do with being a dreamer. I am that. I have dreams so big some days I can't fit them all inside my head. They fall out in little bits, probably picked up like shiny pennies by somebody or other. Maybe by birds hovering overhead. I wonder what they do with them, all my bits of dreams.
Last night I was in too much pain for one person, so I went to bed at the crack of eight o'clock. I spent the day with someone completely lovely and even saw my parents for a little while, so it wasn't all just a big pooped-out party. I have Christmas Eves in my heart that could sustain me for centuries.
Two days in a row, someone looked for nearly naked sexy birds on the internet and it brought them to my site. I didn't want to have to freak you out with this news, but I am indeed a nearly naked sexy bird. Listen, you can tell a few of your friends, if you're so inclined, but please don't spread this info around like butter on toast. I'm thinking about going public with this news sometime in March. Please stay tuned.
I was out shopping yesterday in the madness. That's probably why I felt as if someone had run me over with a 4x4, twice. My friend was flipped off the other evening by somebody's mother, because somebody's mother decided she should be able to go out the in without anyone minding. Sometimes people will be slightly bothered by that when they are entering from a busy street and therefore cannot back up to let some bleached blonde pixiehead have her way. But you know, I felt the love yesterday; all the people slamming into my narrow shoulders; the scowling glares from insecure women and their young daughters. It's good to pass that stuff on, ladies. Keep up the good work.
But the company was worth it all. I have such love in my life. I am aware every day of how fortunate I am. Even when I act like an ass, I am still loved and always forgiven. There are some people from my past I have not quite been able to forgive. I am still working on the old art of forgiveness. Some people I have pardoned so easily, while others' hurtful behaviour lingers in the atmosphere like repellant old ghosts. I can't change what they did or what they said, but I can change what I'm letting it do to me. I don't want to carry around this ancient hurt. It is weighing me down, and besides, they can't hurt me anymore, so what's the use in my rummaging through their old baggage and looking at pictures of everything they did to me, everything they said to me, back then? I'm going to leave them behind soon. I am ready to do that.
Nothing like some good old-fashioned aching on a beautiful Christmas day. At times it is so loud I can hardly hear the world going by. And sometimes it feels as if life is passing me by, taking with it everyone who is fortunate enough to feel great inside their body. Sometimes when it's this bad I get to feeling mournful and regretful. And angry. These things are hard to avoid when your body is defying your wishes.
Thank God for cake and kindness. And the days when everything feels better.
Quote From My World
"Sometimes I just think I'll drink out of the hose and end it all."
-My Love, upon learning that our new garden hose contains lead
Well, I'm off to prepare for my family's Christmas celebration. I hope your day is what you hoped it would be. All your days, for that matter. I hope you're surrounded by people you love, and people who love you in return. Thanks for reading.
Merry Christmas.
Linda
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