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© 2004-2008 Linda Escaip
"I may be grumpy, but I like you."
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The Suns and Moons of the Grumpiest Girl in the Room.
Welcome to my journal, sweet perverts.
I Am A Gifted Laundry Folder, And I Am Another Year Older 09-January-2006
The wonderful thing is that today is my birthday! The bummer is that I have a lavishly heavy heart. I didn't mean to feel this way, I really didn't. I had plans to spend this day in glorious celebration of my life. I don't know what the hell happened. It feels as though something big and powerfully melancholic hit me over the head. I am pretty sure this means it's OK for me to have a large bowl of Double Rainbow Ultra Chocolate ice cream for lunch. Any doubt I have about that is swiftly dissipating.
Thirty-eight years ago today, I was born. It's a bit disconcerting how the past has this way of getting farther and farther away from you. Ten years ago certain memories were clear, almost as if I could touch them. Today they are fuzzy, like trying to watch an I Love Lucy episode you adore and haven't seen in a while on an older television whose rabbit ears antenna isn't positioned correctly. I have tied myself too tightly to the past.
I cried in my salad last night. Good news, eh?
I learned years ago not to fight these stinging feelings. They fuck off sooner if you let them move through you without incident. They are part of the whole anyway. Happiness can't very well get away with hogging the entire show. I don't believe happiness is the goal. Not that I have any idea what the goal is, by the way. The goal could very well be to eat as much cake as you can shove into your happy/sad mouth. That's my kind of motherfucking goal. It's my birthday, so I can write that word without having anyone judge me for my inappropriate lumberjack language. I would really make a fine lumberjack. Also a sailor, except for that whole seasickness business. But I would just swear my way through it, so it would all work out.
I don't know what I am, actually. I am certainly not a sailor or a lumberjack, although my language at times could sway you to believe otherwise. We come here to be something, don't we? I know sure as hell we can't just be; we have to be something. Just being went out in the 70s, I think. And even then if you just were, you were a slacker or a no-gooder or whatever words were flung at you at the time. I am a gifted laundry folder. But what I really am is just me.
Last year on my birthday I made a list of 27 things I wanted to do in my 37th year. I did some of them. Those things that I didn't get around to doing I will consider doing this year. I worked on myself diligently last year. I would say 2005 was the most eye-opening year of my life. It was also probably the hardest. I dug deeper than I ever have before, and I see myself more clearly because of that. When you unearth the things you try to keep covered, you become raw in more ways than one. It takes huge huevos to face yourself, and I am proud of myself for having the guts to begin the process of real growth and change—the process of self acceptance.
I think about making plans and then remember how much lighter I feel when I simply keep an intention in mind. Plans tend to have time limits and often lead to disappointment when the date passes by without the desired results. Intention makes more sense to me. In that list of 27 things I wanted to do last year, I wrote that I wanted to begin recording my CD, and right below that I wrote that I wanted to finish the CD and distribute it worldwide. I neither started nor finished the recording. But what I did do was to get back in touch with my creativity, which had been clouded by pain and discouragement. I found my voice again. And the songs I am writing reflect who I am becoming, not who I was. I feel more connected now than I have in years to that source of inspiration that comes from those spaces in between. I know that I will share my music with as many people as I am meant to share it with, and as I keep moving along at my own pace, it will happen when it happens. Life has this way of living itself, you know?
Because it's my birthday and I make the fucking rules today, I would like to have some fun with some of the stuff that people have looked up on the web that resulted in a visit to my site. Enjoy.
do bees have teeth? Not real ones, no. They have dentures and the plastic vampire fangs they quite enjoy wearing during the entire month of October.
how does a sexy middle age woman act Sometimes she'll act like a salted almond, but mostly like an asshole.
sounds of girl pee It's not so much the sounds, really, but the cartoon birds and various small cartoon animals that come to life when we pee.
how to draw "surprised eyes" Oh, I know! Make them look totally surprised.
the fattest and most grumpiest pig in the world Well, I never.
"she was" "masturbating" "in the restaurant" I wonder if she "enjoyed" herself "as much" as "this person" enjoys quotation "marks".
wrapping salami in napkin Well, that's one way to describe it.
can you see my pad bulge I'm afraid so. Can you see the tag on my disheveled wig?
spongebob squarepants body pillow The next best thing to the Spongebob blowup doll.
pervert pillow See above.
table pants seduce I can vouch for that. I had a wickedly wild night years ago with a pair of table pants.
how to enjoy a sexy woman Everything is made ever so much more fun with string cheese.
soar boobs Boobs should really be free like the wind.
shoving things up your butt - danger I'm going to guess that shoving anything into the orifice of a living being is probably not a grand idea. Gently insert, alright? Then you can save your search engine activities for more important topics, like submissive tampon.
TIT'S AUNT MOVIES Tit really does have a rather extensive collection of aunt movies. I think Netflix carries them now. Score!
how many shapes of boobs are found in girls Seventeen, and one to grow on.
Quote From My World
"Come on, you bitches! You're all ugly, you know. None of you can get dates."
-talking to opposing spacecrafts whilst playing Galaga
My sister and my three-year-old nephew just called and sang the happy birthday song on the answering machine. I didn't pick up because I wanted to record that beauty. My heart just melted onto the floor. I will have to scoop it up and bring it to my folks' house tonight for dinner. Wouldn't want to show up heartless. My nephew informed my sister the other day that he would like to get one more dog and he wants to name the dog Aunt Linda. And he would like to give me some chocolate milk for my birthday. That boy kills me.
Regarding the photo at the top, that's a picture of what I look like when I am reaching up to hang a picture, or when I'm reaching to put away that fitted sheet I have so expertly folded. Or when I am trying to catch a shooting star.
Enjoy the cupcakes. Thanks for reading.
Linda
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