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© 2004-2008 Linda Escaip
"I may be grumpy but I like you."
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The Suns and Moons of the Grumpiest Girl in the Room.
Welcome to my journal, funshine.
Words We Never Use 19-April-2006
What does it mean when you are given two fortune cookies, and both are completely devoid of a fortune? The best fortune I ever got is displayed in a tiny wood frame on my bedside table. It reads "You will sleep well at night." I don't often sleep well, but I still like the stupid thing.
Everyone is busy as hell, aren't they? You notice these things when your life is standing still for a while. For several weeks I have been caring for Sidney, my cat. My beautiful Sid is dying and seems to be fighting it. She is quite attached to me, as I am to her. Animals tend to be fond of me, but Sid believes I not only hung the moon, I made it as well. I have always wondered what she sees in me. During this time of caring for her, I have been watching the world a bit more quietly. And people are busy. It seems the busier they are, the worthier they feel. Their hectic schedules become badges to be worn proudly. Or something.
When my mom stops by, early into her usually brief visit she will say, "Is that clock right?" I just realized yesterday that she always says that, as if My Darlin' and I have some kind of crazy clock behaviour, giving guests good reason to question the reliability of the clocks in our home. I enjoyed imagining us as time lunatics. But she doesn't ask for any reason other than to bring up the time, so that I will keep in mind that almost as soon as she arrives, she has to leave.
Where's everybody going? I like to amuse myself by imagining the way the world would be if time had not been invented. Ninety-nine percent of the things we think are important are not. We throw these things into our lives, into our day planners, into our pile of worries, when often the lack of those things would alleviate that near constant neck ache, the migraines, the need for those pills or an extra drink before bed. Most people never stop to ask themselves what they truly want. Usually we want what we're told to want. Thank somebody holy for the media, otherwise we'd have to think for ourselves. Imagine the horror. It would be almost as bad as having to get up to change the television channel and turn the damned thing on and off by hand. And worst of all, what would we wear for that?
I would like to state for the record that a nasty character flaw can ruin a perfectly lovely shindig, god damn it.
Wouldn't it be spectacular if the universe had a suggestion box? I know I'd have a few to stuff into the slot. But I would try to be reasonable, because I like to believe we actually grow and learn from our experiences. What I like to believe even more is that there is a point to all of this.
The poor old universe; can you imagine the endless suggestions and angry remarks? It's no wonder there's no box.
I set myself up with another photo project this past Sunday. This time I sat on the couch with The Air-Conditioned Nightmare by Henry Miller, opening the book five separate times, each time closing my eyes and letting my finger fall on whatever word or phrase it fancied. I then photographed something around here that I felt resonated with each word or phrase. I hope you enjoy.
Sunday Photo Project #2
"spoken to a soul"
"breathe"
"magic incantation"
"unimportant"
"years ago"
Quote From My World
"You know, I would just love to explore my inner older Jewish lady."
Do you know what an amalgam of two o'clock in the morning and heartache can do to you? It can make you eat the second half of a 1.75 quart of ice cream while seated on the couch, staring into the semi-darkness, leaving one non-generous spoonful at the bottom to return to the freezer, so as to solidify the fact that you are not a pig.
I have to keep reminding myself that we don't really lose those that die. We don't really lose them. They just slip behind the veil. Never really lost. Never really gone. Right?
Death can really kind of kiss my ass.
Thanks for reading.
Linda
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