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© 2004-2008 Linda Escaip
"I may be grumpy but I like you."
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The Suns and Moons of the Grumpiest Girl in the Room.
Welcome to my journal, lollipopper.
Love This Life 03-June-2006
That's Otis up there spying the grasshopper who spent the night clinging to the screen door, perhaps in need of some reprieve. They are on opposite sides of the screen and Otis thinks that's just rude. In my interpretation, Otis is me, while the grasshopper represents much of what I've wanted in this life.
Can you get to where you want to go if you don't know where you are?
Sometimes I think I know where I am while other times I feel about as lost as Grandma Dickens-Hoof probably felt that day at the Pic 'N' Save in Culver City. (It's a family secret and this prevents me from sharing the details.) I can't even claim to know more than a few of the street names around here. When asked for directions to my house, I hand the phone over to the mapmaker I live with. Where do we live? But I guess it doesn't matter where I am or where I think I might be or where I fear I'll end up or not end up or whatever. Like the popular adage states, wherever I go, there I am. I think what matters most is that I'm happy with this someone I drag around with me wherever I go, and I am not referring to Sister Mother Pip. (Another family secret.)
I am still working on the happy part. And I'm happy (ha!) to be able to admit that I am getting somewhere.
I keep dreaming about conquering my fears. I chased after some wasps the other morning in a dream as they were simply snacking on some nectar, minding their own business. I decided to turn it around and become the monster in a scene starring yours most truly and some wasps. In ordinary scenes including me and that particular breed of insect, both in waking life and in dreams, you'd likely find me running away, arms a-flailin', and you'd hear frantic, breathlessly muttered phrases followed by a series of exclamation marks. At a relatively safe distance from the wasp, you'd witness this adrenaline-laced question repeatedly: Is it on me? But ever since that dream, things have been different. I was outside the other day when a wasp flew right past my head, buzzing like some lunatic running through the neighbourhood with a chainsaw. He wasn't interested in me in the least, and I didn't even flinch. Each day after that I've been ignored by those dangly-legged creatures, whereas before they were drawn to me, most likely due to my immense fear. The law of attraction is an amazing thing. What you focus on will become your reality.
I have allowed fear to govern much of my life. I've noticed how quickly and with such precision lousy events would play out exactly the way I had imagined them, the universe delivering that which I conjured out of fear. I have also noticed that it works the other way too, good stuff showing up because I held those images in my mind and believed in them.
I know I can have anything I want. That's a scary realization for me because I am accustomed to the fight. When I was much younger I saw things fall into my life that I wanted because I believed they were mine, but this changed when I picked up the belief that life should be a struggle. I don't know where I got that idea, and it is a crap notion, for sure. Why should we struggle through life? People learn new things and grow all the time without needing to fight for it, so if that's the argument, that the struggling helps us to evolve, it's a weak one. To struggle through life indicates the belief that there is something opposing you, working against you. The only thing that could possibly do that is what you've got sitting inside your head.
Thoughts become the world we experience. Believe something and it becomes your reality in one way or another. I have spent a great deal of time dumping out old beliefs from my head. It takes plenty of work but is well worth the energy. I've been examining everything, taking inventory, evaluating the usefulness of each belief, trying them on to see if they still fit and whether I like the way they feel. It's an ongoing process due to the constant formation of new beliefs that settle in, and the surfacing of ancient and seemingly dormant ones that seem to appear out of nowhere like a pimple on the tip of your nose the morning of the prom.
Amid the introspection, I have been exploring the world. Sometimes I don't make it farther than my own backyard, but it still counts, Bub. And whether it's right out back or miles away, I am finding little treasures everywhere.
I made a new friend who lives in a flower.
I placed the pink arrow there to show you my new friend's legs. He's a baby grasshopper and I am in love with him. Or her. Whichever. I discovered this little beauty a week ago, perched on top of a rosebud. Here's a photo of him the first day we met. Click the link to see the full-size image. Seriously, because he's spectacular.
After finding him that first day, I went out to the backyard each subsequent day to see if he was still there. I found him in his house of petals one day, which is the first photo up there. I spoke to him softly and he emerged from the inside of the rose. Here's a photo of him greeting me.
When the rose began to dry up, he moved to an African Iris flower about a foot away. This is where I found him yesterday:
He seems to like me back. Popping out of a flower to see me is pretty encouraging. After all, he could have told me to stick it, and he didn't. When the sun was fading yesterday, I peeked in to see what he was up to; he was nestled inside the curling petals of the African Iris. This is what they look like during the curling process. They make lovely temporary abodes for baby grasshoppers. I expect to see my new friend later today. We're going to play Yahtzee and drink iced tea.
On one of the days that I was capturing images of my compadre, I met this nice lady, who was selling various cake recipes to aphids.
You know, I want to live in a flower.
Quote From My World
"Apparently I have to get off the phone because he's shoving Batman's cape in my mouth."
Well, I'm off to imagine myself there, wherever that is. Thanks for reading.
Linda
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